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"I've used it on iPhones so i'm sure i'll get the hang of it"
Who am i kidding, it's pissing down with rain and we've run out of milk.
With the outside world, and my coffee, looking blacker than my soul, my boss turns around to bless us with good news.
"Did you hear that Carys up in admin has asked for a Macbook?" she asked me.
"No, why the heck does she need a Macbook?" I reply, with a great deal of skeptism.
You see, much like many other government-run establishments, we're very heavily invested in Microsoft, with an AD network, domain, and site-wide deployment of Windows 10. Macs are not on our RADAR, and i'm the only person in the IT department who uses one on a regular basis. There's no way in hell i want one of these things on the network though. I use a Mac so i'm not reminded of work.
"Carys is struggling to edit videos on her iPhone, so she's asked for a Mac. Apparently it's all authorised and just needs ordering and picking up from Lewis John's" replies my boss, with an equal amount of exasperation.
"As long as it doesn't come out of our budget, and we're not expected to support it, sure."
My boss agrees, "Yeh, we're not going to be putting it on the network, that's just opening a whole can of worms"
"I mean, we can put it on the network, but i don't think Carys will get on with it when we wipe it and put Windows 10 on it instead" I reply, definitely not hiding the evil chuckle. "where'd they get the money for all this anyway, i thought we were strapped for cash? How is it i can't have £3k to put into buying SSDs for all our deployed computers, but magically there's £2k to spend on a Macbook for one person?"
"Beats me" my boss replies, "i'm sure they'll pull it out of some random budget somewhere"
"As long as it's not ours..."
You see, i was lying when i said we had no Macs. We did, indeed have one singular Mac Pro in one department, which has been languishing unused for the best part of a decade. I mention this to my boss, who then does the needful and informs Carys of the newfound fruitputer.
Now this thing is positively ancient. It's an original cheesegrater Mac Pro, running Core2Duo era Xeons, and boots Mac OS X Lion, so this thing probably hasn't been updated since it was donated to the department it was found in. Buuut, crucially, it has iMovie on it, which is what Carys wanted to edit her videos on.
I get the green light to move this thing up to Carys' office. But firstly, i want to quickly run updates on it, to at least get the Lion install somewhere close to up-to-date. I've not upgraded the OS out of fear of breaking iMovie. I put a reasonably modern browser on it, crack the administrator password, and run the updates, before dismantling the beast and sticking it on the trolley.
I lumber up the corridors, catch the lift to the next floor, being careful not to smash up this almost antique Mac, along with polycarbonate keyboard, Mighty Mouse, and an Apple Display with bezels the size of a childs forearm. I'm weaving in and around staff, door frames, multi-function copiers and random furniture like it's an obstacle course, before i arrive outside Carys' office.
As i'm setting this behemoth of aluminium and dispair, Carys keeps commenting on how it's such a nice machine and how it will make it so much easier to edit her videos. I'm just nodding and agreeing, thankful that i've save the organisation around £3k by repurposing this boat anchor.
After it's all set up, i start explaining to her that it's a bit old and it might have a few issues here and there.
"Sorry to say, this thing is a bit older, and as such runs Mac OS Lion, but iMovie is there, so it should work for your purposes. Some things on more modern MacOS won't be there, but you should be fine"
"Oh that doesn't matter, I've used iMovie on iPhones, i'm sure i'll get the hang of it" she replies, "I've never used a Mac before anyway"
- Stick to a 1 page resume unless you have many years of experience
- Have adequate spacing in between each section of your resume
- Use a good starting template such as: https://docdro.id/j6wwJZF
- Use black font; grey font is harder to read
- Use a modern email: gmail/outlook/college email, NOT hotmail/yahoo/aol/comcast
- Right align your dates
- Order both positions/projects and bullet points by relevancy to the job you’re interested in OR impressiveness: put your best stuff first!
- Don’t rate your skills based on proficiency, this can only hurt you
- Use bullet points instead of paragraphs - they are much easier to read
- Do not include periods at the end of your bullet points
- Each bullet point should start with a past tense action verb (designed, implemented, created, improved, analyzed, built, etc) https://capd.mit.edu/sites/default/files/jobs/files/resume-action-verbs.pdf -Each bullet point should use the STAR (situation, task, action, result) format detailed here: https://www.careereducation.columbia.edu/resources/resumes-impact-creating-strong-bullet-points
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STAR FORMAT https://www.careereducation.columbia.edu/resources/resumes-impact-creating-strong-bullet-points
- Designed 3 different packaging styles for the product in SolidWorks, created and tested 3 prototypes, and integrated the best packaging design into future product releases
- Collected data using micrometers to correlate size of kid with flavor intensity, discovering that size actually does matter and suggesting an increase in kid size by at least 10%
- Implemented kaizen and lean six sigma principles into the assembly line by integrating a kanban chart, successfully identifying 4 hang up spots, and drafting a plan to improve assembly line efficiency
- Worked with a team of 6 engineers to draft updated safety procedures and protocol, as per OSHA Y14.5, reducing workplace injury by 500% and saving an average of 3 lives per year
- Led a team of 700 students to design, test, and manufacture an updated and improved suspension system for the FSAE 2017 year, resulting in a decrease in lap time by 5.0 sec in all 5 events
- Tested suspension geometry in MSC Adams Car and recreated test using prototype components manufactured with a CNC mill and lathe, confirming that reacted loads are below allowable limits